The Twilight Zone

My mom recently gave me these pictures as part of an early birthday gift. She had been going through some photos and happened across her high school senior class picture from 1970 and my high school senior class picture from 1998. Is it just me or is anyone else weirded out by how identical we look?

All I want to do is post!!!

I've been trying for the last 30 minutes to post on my freakin' blog (which I never do) and I can't seem to do it. The scanner that we have no longer has the cd it came with so it won't work on my new laptop. So, I turned on the iMac and it doesn't work on that either. So, I turned on our older PC thinking that it has to have the driver installed on it...but no. Now I'm back on the laptop and tried to download the driver but I got an error! All I want to do is scan some pictures so I can blog!!! I guess I'll go try again.

No Pity Allowed

Warning: Very depressing blog ahead. Turn back now...or just know that you've been warned.

Every so often I go through one of these spells in my life where I feel as though I'm completely alone and isolated. I think it started when I was in my teenage years and went through a two month bout of clinical depression and the feelings of cynicism and doubt and self hatred (some say I had been congealed) have just carried over (not so strong anymore, thankfully).

This week's episode is about friends, or lack thereof. I know I have friends, very close friends, I just feel as though they have all but disappeared. I know they're out there, but I feel I no longer have a place in their lives. I feel like I have been demoted to “acquaintance”, or “old friend”. This may have to do with the fact that ALL of my friends live in a different city than I do, most are actually across the country or in a different country. I used to be so close to all of them, but I have been relegated to someone who receives an occasional e-mail (especially from those who live overseas).

So, this begs the question...what's wrong with me? Do I not know how to make meaningful relationships last? I have had a string of very close friends who just disappear from my life. Is that my fault or has everyone else's life just moved on without me? I feel more than disposable. I have always had a small, close group of friends, I'm not one to have a lot of acquaintances. I've never needed quantity, having as many people as possible around me, just quality. I put a lot of myself into my relationships and have a tendency to trust and have the possibility of being taken advantage of (that, thankfully, has never happened to my knowledge).

So, all I can do is look inward and try to be the best friend to people as I can be. I guess when it comes down to it I really just miss my friends terribly. Why can't I make meaningful friends who live in my town? That would be helpful. I guess the fact that I tend to choose my friends carefully makes it difficult. Sometimes I wish I weren't so picky, that I was outgoing. But, I have to work with what I have. It also has to do with the fact that when I meet someone new, I always think that they don't like me (it's those damn insecurities). Maybe I'm too shy and don't take enough chances....

Or, I could just be utterly boring. :o)

All I know is that no matter what, I'll always have my best friend in my husband.

The Neverending Story...

Morla is the newest addition to our expanding family...named after the tortoise in the Neverending Story...if you need to ask why then you clearly aren't looking at her picture. Ok, for those who still don't get it, she's a tortoiseshell cat (her markings). Glad I could clear that up for you. Anyway, I brought her home from work on Monday (I adopted it from a co-worker who found it wandering the streets of Savannah). I called Morgan about 4 times just to make sure he was ok with me bringing home another cat. He was pretty open to the idea so I was excited. What I didn't expect was Morgan completely falling in love with her and usurping all of Morla's time. "Let's go play with the kitty", "Can't we let the kitty out now?". Geez, this boy is obsessed! He even came home at lunch to play with her. We haven't introduced our other two cats to her yet - we're taking it slow and letting them get used to her smell, but I'm sure some fur will still fly. Anyway, welcome home Morla!